What their mother told them was that they were both in the wrong. They were both being selfish. Both were so focused on how they were being treated unfairly by their sibling that they both failed to take responsibility for acting in a mature or loving manner.

Margaret did spill the cheerios and it was her responsibility to pick them up, regardless of whether Jason cut the bag wrong or not. Mom pointed out that Margaret could have just focused on correcting her mistake and not try to find someone else to blame for it. To this, of course, Jason vigorously nodded his head in agreement and eyed Margaret with a look on his face that said, “See!”

Then Mother turned to Jason and said, but “Jason, your actions here weren’t any better.” Jason wasn’t expecting that. She went on to tell Jason that he had failed to see that he was not acting out of love toward his sister. While it was true that he was not responsible for Margaret spilling the cheerios he is her brother and is responsible to her for acting in a loving manner toward her. He could have just said, “Come on, I’ll help you pick them up. You sweep and I’ll scoop.”

Then Mom said, “Now, please go sort this out with each other,” and she sent them away to work it out.

Are there times when you see yourself in Margaret’s reaction or in Jason’s reaction or in both?

Are there times when, like Margaret in this story, you might avoid taking responsibility for your actions and send the blame elsewhere? Or like Jason, are there times when you respond to a perceived injustice by getting defensive and buy into the idea that it is solely up to the other person to offer the solution?

Are there times when you get caught up in a war of words about who is most at fault? There is no way out of this war of words except for taking responsibility for yourself and committing to act out of love.

The key takeaway from the story above is that regardless of who may seem at fault in a conflict, the solution always lies in each individual recognizing their own role in the dispute and committing to act with love and accountability and a willingness to actively contribute to resolving issues as a team or to “clean up the mess together” without selfishly excusing oneself or failing to act of love.

In the story above, Margaret could have admitted, “Oops, I spilled the cereal, my bad,” and grabbed a broom. Or she could have said, “Hey Jason, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by this. Would you mind giving me a hand?” Or, when Margaret initially made it known that she felt some injustice about the situation, Jason could have said “I didn’t intend for the spill to happen, but I can see it’s a big mess. I’ll give you a hand.”

In the face of conflict, the path forward is always obscured by pointing fingers and always illuminated by embracing accountability, acting with love and committing to find solutions together. Then the partnership prevails and not the blame game.